“Am I Dad Enough?”
“My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”
— Clarence B. Kelland
I was thinking about Father's Day and how the relationship between dads and their kids is unique. It's different from the mother-child bond but just as intense and influential.
Society often paints dads as stoic providers or the occasional comic relief, while moms are seen as the nurturing core of the family. But being a father isn't about fitting into these stereotypes.
We often don't talk about how dads can feel the pressure to measure up to these societal expectations.
Somewhere in every father's mind lurks the fear of not being enough, of constantly having to juggle self-expectations and those imposed by society.
Take these real life stories for example:
Six years ago, a Jon left his booming architecture career to spend more time with his three-year-old son. This decision let them bond deeply and sparked his interest in redefining masculinity and gender roles. While proud of his role in his children's lives, he sometimes worries about not engaging in traditional father-son activities like woodworking. He reflects on his childhood, where his father excelled in such skills, and realizes his anxiety comes from societal expectations. To cope, he focuses on meaningful activities like playing basketball and having weekly family meetings, aspiring to be remembered as a nurturing and gentle father.
In mid-2021, Steve who was a freelance graphic designer and content creator faced a financial crisis as his projects dried up. Despite societal progress, he felt immense pressure to be the main provider. Taking on more child care responsibilities for his two young children, he embraced the opportunity to maximize their time together. They learned to play musical instruments and created colorful murals, turning a tough period into a bonding experience. This time also led him to reflect on the kind of person and father he wants to be, emphasizing the importance of spending quality time with his kids.
Balancing roles as a realtor, content creator, husband, and father to a three-year-old girl, Brandon sometimes feels overwhelmed. He reminds himself that being a great father doesn't mean being perfect. He stresses the importance of self-care, finding time for activities that help him recharge, like connecting with friends and shooting hoops. He believes being a loving and high-functioning dad requires mindfulness, acceptance, and recognizing low moments as temporary.
Three years ago, William went through a divorce. Despite the challenges, he embraced his role as a father wholeheartedly, sharing custody of his five-year-old daughter. He ensures their time together is filled with love, support, and fun activities. They enjoy weekend camping trips and explore new hobbies like gardening and painting. He believes that being divorced does not diminish his role as a father. By fully embracing his time with his daughter and maintaining open, honest communication, he aims to be a positive and stable presence in her life, showing her that a loving and committed dad can come in many forms.
Thomas, a construction foreman working long hours to provide for his family, often misses daily moments with his ten-year-old son and eight-year-old daughter. Despite his demanding job, he's dedicated to maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship with his children. On weekends and holidays, he makes the most of their time together by planning special activities like fishing trips and attending their soccer games. He acknowledges that his role as the primary provider sometimes limits his availability but believes that his commitment to his family's well-being and the quality time they share reinforces their bond. He strives to show his children that being a dedicated provider is also an important aspect of fatherhood, balanced with love and attention.
John and David are a devoted couple raising their daughter, Lily, in a warm and nurturing home. With John’s patient and empathetic nature complementing David’s adventurous and creative spirit, they strike a harmonious balance in their parenting. Together, they provide Lily with a rich tapestry of experiences and values, fostering an environment where love, respect, and understanding flourish. In this loving family, Lily learns the importance of acceptance and the beauty of diverse perspectives, thriving under the guidance of her two devoted fathers.
Fast forward to now, and fatherhood has come a long way. Nearly as many dads as moms now consider parenting central to their identity, with many even staying home to care for their kids. Yet, we still sometimes wonder why a man is with an infant on a weekday, thinking it's cute that he's "babysitting."
The truth is, men have always had the power to nurture, just as women have always had what it takes to be CEOs.
Now that we’re recognizing this, the day may soon come when the default assumption that mom is the primary parent will seem quaint—and we’ll all be better for it.
So, what does it mean to be "Dad Enough"?
Fatherhood is not just about actions but a state of being.
Whether you’re a biological father, divorced parent, step father, single father, foster father, and all father figure. As long as you show up, dedicate time and love to your children, and embrace your role wholeheartedly, you will always be enough.
In the end, being "Dad Enough" is about the quality of your connection and the depth of your commitment, not about meeting every expectation or achieving an ideal.
Today and every day we wish you a very happy Father’s Day!