Juggling Diapers and Date Nights
“Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management.”
— Betsy Jacobson
It’s February and love is in the air!
Love, like seasons, has its abundant moments and dry spells. As parents, the transformative journey of bringing a baby into the world can challenge even the strongest of bonds. The question that often arises is this:
Should our children take precedence, or is it our partner's relationship that should come first?
The truth is, the arrival of children should not serve as the reason to break apart but rather as a catalyst for growth—a chance to redefine the dynamics of love and partnership. While many argue that children should always come first, we're here to challenge that notion.
Why Prioritizing Your Partner's Relationship Matters:
When you prioritize your connection with your partner, you contribute to the overall well-being of your family. It's not about neglecting your children; rather, it's about creating a stable foundation that allows you to navigate the demands of parenthood with reduced stress and improved emotional health.
Children benefit greatly from witnessing their parents express love and affection. Hugging, cuddling, and going on dates instill the idea that love and dedication can coexist alongside the responsibilities of raising a family.
Finding the Delicate Balance:
The challenge lies in finding harmony in prioritizing your partner relationship and attending to your children's needs. It's about ensuring that your children, while placed at a close second, hardly notice the difference. Here are five tips to achieve this delicate equilibrium:
1. Open Communication:
Establish open communication during consistent family meetings. Ensure that both your partner and your children feel loved and supported through sharing encouragement and appreciations, while also devoting time and energy to family problem-solving together. This will help to maintain a strong and fulfilling family dynamic. If your children are still too young to attend family meetings make sure to have weekly meetings with your partner to establish this strong practice together. We have an entire chapter dedicated to family meetings in our book, Positive Discipline for Today’s Busy (& Overwhelmed) Parent: How to Balance Work, Parenting, and Self for Lasting Well-Being
2. Quality Time Together:
Schedule regular date nights or moments of connection with your partner. Whether it's a simple dinner, a walk in the park, or a quiet evening at home, make time for each other without the distractions of parenthood. Make sure to communicate with your children that you’re having ‘special time’ as a couple just like you do with them. You are modelling that all relationships matter!
3. Teamwork in Parenting:
Work as a team in parenting. Share responsibilities, discuss parenting decisions, and present a united front. This not only strengthens your partnership but also provides a stable environment for your children.
4. Model Healthy Relationships:
Be mindful of the way you communicate and resolve conflicts. Modeling a healthy relationship sets a positive example for your children and helps them understand the dynamics of a loving partnership.
5. Individual Self-Care:
Take care of yourselves individually. Maintaining your well-being ensures that you can bring your best selves to both your partner and your children. It's not selfish—it's essential for a thriving family.
In conclusion, the dilemma of whether your partner's relationship or your children should come first is a nuanced one. By prioritizing your partner's relationship without your children feeling neglected, you create a harmonious family environment where love flows abundantly.
It's not about choosing one over the other; it's about finding harmony in your relationships that enriches all aspects of your life.
As parents, you have the power to shape the narrative of love and family for your children. Embrace the challenge, nurture your partnership, and watch as your family thrives in the warmth of a love that knows no bounds.