Tech as a Tool, Not a Crutch
“We overprotect children in the real world, and underprotect them online. All the pedophiles we fear are lurking on the street have moved online.”
— Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation
In recent years, alarming reports have surfaced involving celebrities and influencers in cases of pedophilia, child exploitation, and predatory behavior online. These stories serve as reminders that fame doesn’t exclude individuals from harmful behavior and, in some cases, can even amplify their reach to younger audiences.
The reality is, dangers we once imagined on the streets now hide behind screens, often targeting vulnerable young users who might not yet recognize warning signs.
I think most of us, as parents, share a similar worry these days: how do we keep our kids safe in a world where screens and technology have become so deeply embedded in everything?
We watch over them so carefully when they’re out in the real world, yet online—where the risks can be just as serious—we tend to overlook the need for boundaries.
Experts are sounding the alarm: our kids' online lives are influencing them in ways we might not realize. More and more studies are connecting smartphones and social media to mental health struggles among teens, including anxiety, depression, and even self-esteem issues.
Further research shows how this biological vulnerability plays out in the lives of children and teens. Younger social media users are more likely than older ones to have body image issues, while kids who use Instagram or Snapchat before age 11 face a higher risk of online harassment (Saiphoo, A. N., & Vahedi, Z., Computers in Human Behavior, Vol. 101, 2019; Charmaraman, L., et al., Computers in Human Behavior, Vol. 127, 2022).
So, how do we protect them? Here are some key steps we can take to allow our kids to grow and develop without the weight of the digital world on their shoulders too soon.
1. No Smartphones Before Age 14
One big step we can take is to delay giving our kids smartphones until they’re at least 14. It’s easy to feel like the odd one out when everyone else’s kid seems to have a smartphone by age 10. But here’s the thing: just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s right. If we’re able to hold off on introducing them to smartphones until they’re a bit older, we’re giving them more time to build real-life skills and relationships that don’t revolve around a screen.
2. No Social Media Before Age 16
Social media can be a minefield, especially for young, impressionable minds. From comparison traps to cyberbullying, the risks of social media are well-documented. Setting a boundary that social media won’t be accessible before age 16 can help your child build a stronger sense of self before they encounter the digital world’s pressures. Instead of relying on “likes” for validation, they can learn to appreciate their own strengths and individuality in the real world.
Imagine if we let our kids bring their TVs, record players, or even walkie-talkies to school. Sounds silly, right? Yet, letting them carry their phones all day has similar consequences. Phones can easily become distractions, affecting their focus and ability to engage meaningfully with their surroundings and education. More schools are adopting phone-free policies, and as parents, we can support this shift, helping our kids learn that there’s a time and place for screens—school isn’t it.
4. Encourage Free Play and Real-World Risks
One thing we sometimes forget is that risks are an essential part of growing up. Kids need the chance to experience small risks—climbing trees, riding bikes around the neighborhood, or navigating their way to a friend’s house. These real-world experiences teach them independence and resilience in ways that screens can’t. Sure, there’s some level of risk involved, but hovering over our kids until college isn’t the answer, either. Free play and real-world independence help them build the confidence to handle the real challenges they’ll face as adults.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed at the idea of implementing all these changes, know that small steps can make a big difference. Here are a few things you can try:
Q-(Quick)Tips to Introduce Healthy Digital Habits at Home:
Screen Curfews: Have designated times, like dinners or weekends, to go screen-free. This simple rule promotes connection and reminds kids of the importance of face-to-face conversation.
App and Screen Time Limits: Use device settings to restrict social media apps or limit time spent on certain platforms. Remember the importance of modelling (with your words AND actions), for example, “I’ve been scrolling on Linked In for 20 minutes now and it’s time for me to close it down.”
Device-Free Dinners and Activities: By making this a family practice, you’re setting an example and showing that enjoyment isn’t tied to screens.
Team up with other families: There’s power in numbers! Talk to your kids friends parents and come up with common agreements to help support one another (we call this putting kids in the same boat). Maybe go on a tech free outing or vacation with another family (camping, skiing, hiking, etc.).
I know none of this is easy. The reality is that our kids are growing up in a tech-heavy world, and we can’t shield them from it entirely. But we can take steps to delay their exposure to the more challenging parts of the digital world, allowing them to grow and develop without the pressure of social media and smartphones at every turn.
At the end of the day, it’s about finding that balance between protecting our kids and giving them room to grow.
Technology isn’t going anywhere, and it has plenty of benefits when used wisely. By setting boundaries and being intentional, we can help our kids learn to navigate the digital world safely and healthily—and prepare them for a future where they feel confident, grounded, and in control.
P.S. and if you’re interested to know more about the topic check out Jonathan Haidt’s new book The Anxious Generation. Bringing insights on the impact of technology on the social emotional development of children. Or have a listen here.
* We also have a class that covers how to apply Positive Discipline tools when it comes to screens, “How to Manage Family Screen-time, so it Doesn’t Manage You!” Contact us to bring us to your school (in person or on Zoom).
